Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
