Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My ass is underappreciated
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
