I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize