Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
