I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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