no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
