I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
