i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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