no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
