I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
