You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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