When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
foreskin is a definite game changer
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
