he thought i was a dude.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
