Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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