Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
