and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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