when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
