shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
