Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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