im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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