I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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