I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
