you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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