I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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