My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
