I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
