my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
