The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
