But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
