I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
