So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
