Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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