I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
