shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
