i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
