i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
