My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize