But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
