just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
