every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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