Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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