Can Purell be used as lube?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
