so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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