I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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