Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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