Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
