help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
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Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
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I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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