Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
