I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
