So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
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I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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