No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
