I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
