i can't believe i had my finger in that
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
