I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
