i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
