Dual....:-)
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
