dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
