its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
