i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
