My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
