one two three fourrrrnication!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
