from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
