I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
