I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
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The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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