I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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