I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
then he tried to convert me to islam
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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