can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
