Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
