Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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