I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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