I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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