i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
