What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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