I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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