oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
