i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
