youre lurking in front of me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
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