White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
