It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
