He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
