All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
