it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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