Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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