Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
