How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
