mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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