I cockslap morals
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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