Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
