yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
