first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
